Forgiveness Is a Choice, Not a Feeling
Not long ago, I found myself wrestling with a tough truth: I believed that in order to resolve a conflict, I needed to feel differently about it. I thought that if I wanted to move forward, especially with forgiveness, I first had to stop feeling angry or hurt. That forgiveness could only begin once the feelings were gone.
But what if the feelings don’t go away?
What if they linger, unresolved, feeding guilt, shame, pain?
Here’s what I’ve learned: Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a choice.
And that choice changed my life.
The First Person I Had to Forgive Was Me
This is why, in the SAFE Method — the framework I’ve built over years of cultural, personal, and leadership work — SELF comes first. Because you cannot move forward in community, or in leadership, or even in your health, until you feel safe in yourself.
For me, safety meant forgiveness. And forgiveness meant choosing to stop punishing myself for being human.
For example, when I started training again to fix my bad aback I had to forgive myself for:
Letting my body deteriorate through years of ignoring back pain
Gaining weight over two decades of stress, disconnection, and survival
Not always eating well, or exercising, or showing up the way I wanted to
Let me be real: I used to see every failed run, every skipped workout, every “bad food choice” as a personal failure. I would beat myself up internally — angry, frustrated, ashamed. The spiral was deep. And it wasn’t helping.
But one day, I stopped. I asked: Would I speak to someone I love the way I speak to myself?
The answer was no. So I made a different choice.
I chose forgiveness. I forgave myself for the choices that led me here, not to justify them, but to set myself free from them.
I forgave the 20-years-ago me who didn’t know how to ask for help. I forgave the version of me that devoured 20 nuggets at midnight, because at the time… I loved them. And maybe I needed them.
It’s a choice, so choose you!
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the consequences. It doesn’t mean the work is done. But it clears the fog. It stops the constant loop of guilt and blame, and lets you focus on what you can do now.
Forgiveness brings you back into reality into the present moment where change is possible.
And that’s the most powerful part.
Because once you forgive yourself, you can begin to take accountability. Not from a place of shame, but from a place of strength.
You’re not fixing a broken version of yourself.
You’re becoming the version that’s ready now.
The one who chooses kindness over punishment.
The one who makes peace with the past and owns the future.
You don’t need to wait until you feel better to begin healing.
You don’t need to wait until your heart is calm to start making better choices.
You just need to make a choice.
Forgiveness is a door you open. And on the other side is momentum, clarity, and peace.
Start with yourself. You’re human. You’re learning. You’re worthy.
And you deserve to move forward.
